Friday, September 5, 2014

distance makes the heart grow fonder

      So I have always laughed at this saying. I also always thought that long distance relationships don't ever last. I used to think that talking on the phone gets old and that sooner or later someone is going to get bored and one of you is going to walk away. I would roll my eyes at long distance relationships and I said I would never have one, because, I need someone by me to hug me when I'm in the need of some love. I could not wait on a phone call every night. I couldn't just be happy with skype calls. And I sure as heck could not end my day without a goodnight kiss. What kind of life is that? Having to turn down nights out with friends because you have a skype date, or you are worried to go out because of the fear of you having to tell the cute guy hitting on you that you can't give him your number and that you have a boyfriend. Because then you can suffer the humiliation of him saying "I wasn't asking.." Then you just feel like you want to crawl in to a hole and never come out. Misreading conversation can be the death of any girl. (Side note: What do you say back to that anyway? "oh, my bad" "Sorry, I thought you were hitting on me.." or my personal favorite "Oh.. if you would please excuse me I will go bash my head into a brick wall real quick.")
      So how could a relationship like this ever work. It has to be infused with jealousy and distrust. Then some phone calls will be ignored, some skype calls will be missed, someone will want to hang out with their friends instead of listening about your tough day. Then before you know it someone gets tired of it and that's where it ends. Plus to put the cherry on top you cant even do it in person you are forced to do it over the phone. I used to not understand why people would put themselves through this kind of inevitable torture. Then everything changed. I realized that the awkward break-up over the phone doesn't have to happen. I also realized that jealousy and distrust would stem from an already poisonous relationship. Distance doesn't infuse it, it can inflame it even more, but it is not the main cause. And that whole awkward moment of the 'cute guy' hitting on you.. Well I realized that, one: that has never happened to me and two: the reason why is because I always somehow work him into the conversation (multiple times) so that there is no confusion as to my relationship status. Plus I love talking about him anyway, sometimes I wouldn't even realize I brought him up until suddenly no guys were talking to me anymore (oops.. sorry I know I talk about him a lot) . And about that turning down a night out with your friends for a skype call? ANY DAY! I would look forward to seeing him. Seeing that smile and his cute dimple was the highlight of my day. I didn't need a night out to relax from a tough week. Talking with him is all I needed.
      Then you get into the physical stuff. Now I will admit that this was one of the hardest parts of all. I missed kissing him, because that physical intimacy is important in any relationship, but I will say that I missed his hugs the most. When I was having one-of-those-days I just needed someone to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay, but I only got half of what I needed. Words of comfort can help, but they are lacking without a big hug to accompany them. I never thought I would say this, but getting a phone call from him every night still makes me smile (even if we already talked 3 or 4 times that day... or 5 or 6....). I am so grateful for cell phones, text messaging, skype, snapchat, facebook and pinterest. There are so many ways to stay in contact. (Yes, I did say pinterest.) A relationship where someone gets bored and leaves was not meant to last. If you truly love the person then you can go through anything. Even if the relationship was fragile at the beginning you can still progress as long as you are both putting forth the effort to have an amazing relationship.
      My long distance lasted about five months and is actually continuing right now and I am so happy. I would not trade in my relationship for anything. It has been hard and still is hard, but I grew a lot from this experience. I would not do this any differently.
      One thing that I realized is that with a long distance relationship is all you get to do is talk. There is no physical intimacy, at all.. of any kind... zero. So it makes you get to know each other even more than you already do. And sometimes you end up talking about the most random things and sometimes vulgar things, but it allows you to kind of get into the mind of the other person and just talk about things. Although, I cannot wait to finally end this long distance stuff and be close to him, I am glad I got to see what a long distance relationship is like.
      I used to laugh at long distance relationships, but now I know it is possible to have a successful relationship even when there is over 1900 miles between you and the one you love. Distance does indeed make the heart grow fonder, I know this firsthand.