391

It has been 391 days since I kissed and met nick for the first time... So here are 391 random thoughts! :) 

1. I love nick
2. I want to live in Hawaii
3. I love playing donkey kong
4. I want my life to be like vampire diaries
5. I am grateful for my roommates this semester
6. I miss Jade
7. I miss Panera
8. I love writing
9. I want to be Mrs. Dorsett already
10. I wish I could fly
11. I love batman
12. Big T-shirts make me happy
13. I am not good at math
14. I love kids
15. I miss my mom
16. I love Virginia
17. I love the smell of tide laundry detergent
18. Fuzzy socks make me happy
19. I really don’t like some people
20. I wish my teeth weren’t sensitive
21. I am happy to be moving out of my apartment
22. Clean kitchens are my favorite
23. I wish my teeth were straight
24. I love my wedding dress
25. I stress out easily
26. I hate the feeling of grass
27. I hate dirty kitchens
28. Warm blankets can always cheer me up
29. I love Nick’s laugh
30. My favorite color is blue
31. I miss my dog
32. My dad is my hero
33. I love my older brother
34. I love my younger brother
35. I wish I had a sister
36. I am glad I don’t have a sister
37. I have a lot of inner turmoil
38. I love my hair when its straight
39. I miss my long hair
40. I love my house in Virginia
41. I hate dealing with finances
42. I like the house a little cold
43. I love hot chocolate
44. I wonder how many kids I will have
45. I wish my name was Emmalou
46. I want 3 kids
47. I love crafts
48. I wish I was an artist
49. I want to learn how to draw
50. I have a lot of anxiety
51. I think I am depressed sometimes
52. Les Miserables is my favorite musical
53. Ian Somerhalder is BAE
54. I wish I could sing better
55. Guitar is my passion
56. I cant wait to have sex
57. White boards are weird
58. I miss my best friend
59. I used to be bad
60. I love God
61. I love my Savior
62. I cant wait to be sealed to Nicolas
63. I want to be a photographer
64. I love the name Thora
65. I want a dog
66. I don’t like Rexburg
67. I miss having the 3 musketeers
68. I want to be a millionaire
69. I am lazy
70. I wish I could write a song
71. I love the rain
72. I hate the snow
73. I love the spring time
74. I hate winter
75. I love church
76. I hate singles wards
77. I love the smell of drier sheets
78. I love sweat pants
79. I hate science
80. I love astronomy
81. I am excited to leave Rexburg
82. I love Nicolas with all my heart
83. I love nicks beard
84. I wish I was 10 pounds lighter
85. I wish I had more motivation
86. I want my hair to be more red
87. I get cold really easily
88. I am kind of a brat sometimes
89. I wish my mom was here
90. I love my legs
91. I hate my tummy
92. I wish I had a belly button ring
93. I have always wanted a tattoo
94. I love writing in cursive
95. I don’t read the instructions
96. I hate packing
97. I wish I was low maintenance
98. I am scared of growing up
99. I hate shaving my legs
100. I am very self-conscious
101. I have a very guilty conscious
102. I love my heating blanket
103. Fuzzy blankets are amazing
104. I love minty face wash
105. I hate zits
106. I love conditioner
107. Loofas make life amazing
108. Bubble baths soothe the soul
109. I am scared of getting a massage
110. I love who I am right now
111. I love who I am becoming
112. I love my phone
113. I love taking pictures
114. I love my fiancé
115. I love/hate  scary movies
116. I love fluffy carpet
117. I need him in my life
118. I love being tall
119. I love high heels
120. I wish I was two inches shorter
121. I love Taylor swift
122. I want to go to a concert
123. This is taking way too long…
124. I love driving mini vans
125. I act strong, but I’m not
126. I love my guitar
127. I love taking notes
128. I want to be a mom
129. I hate birth control
130. I don’t fully understand condoms…
131. ^ I want to know what they feel like
132. I am a nightmare dressed like a day dream
133. I am kind of crazy
134. I wish I could come clean about everything
135. I love freshly painted nails
136. I hate waiting for nails to dry
137. Pink lemonade is amazing
138. I have an obsession with taco bell
139. Baja Blast is amazing
140. I hate thinking about the past
141. I wish I could forget things more easily
142. I forgive him very fast
143. I hate living with girls
144. I am so excited to be getting married
145. Weddings are crazy
146. I am excited to meet his family
147. I wish I was better at school
148. I am very awkward
149. I wish I still danced
150. I really enjoy roller skating
151. Nick and Emma vs. The World
152. Dogs are my favorite
153. I don’t like cats
154. I don’t mind kittens
155. I am allergic to bunnies
156. I am allergic to cats
157. I want to be successful
158. I love curling my hair
159. When I look pretty I feel more confident
160. I hate working at McDonalds
161. I won’t go back to McDonalds
162. I am so happy I have Nick in my life
163. I don’t regret anything with him
164. I know God loves me
165. Ed Sheeran’s voice is amazing
166. Love hurts
167. Pictures make life better
168. I wish life was more simple
169. I wish I was more flexible
170. He makes me feel alive
171. I wish I played the guitar more
172. I have only kissed four boys
173. I have only had three boyfriends
174. I dated my first boyfriend for 9 months
175. I love the holidays
176. I AM GETTING MARRIED!
177. I am lucky to have great parents
178. I am sick of the cold
179. I hope my kids will love life
180. I want to raise my kids right
181. I am happy that Nick will be their father
182. I love my wedding veil
183. I hate the dark sometimes
184. I can only sleep in complete darkness
185. I can only sleep in complete silence
186. I am going to miss the friends I made this semester
187. I wish I could rap
188. Nick is my best friend
189. Nick is the only person I am 100% honest with
190. I hate Iphones
191. I hate Apple…
192. I love death cab for cutie
193. I used to be obsessed with coheed and cambria
194. I hate death
195. I hate thinking about my future
196. I love messy buns
197. I love hair products
198. I wish my hair was longer
199. I miss the beach
200. OBX is my favorite place to relax
201. Disney is life!
202. I am going to Disney on my honeymoon
203. I have the vampire diaries necklace
204. I need more socks
205. I hope it doesn’t snow very much in VA this winter
206. I wish I knew how to finger pick on the guitar
207. I hate little red lights in the dark
208. I am almost finished packing
209. I hate the feeling of cotton pads
210. Nail polish remover gives me the chills
211. I hate dry skin
212. I love my wedding ring
213. Rode gold is my favorite
214. I love the ring I got for nick
215. I hate my toes
216. I hate getting pedicures
217. My younger brother is awesome at skateboarding
218. I love bushing my hair
219. I wish my hair was naturally straight
220. I lose so much hair every day
221. I love vacuuming carpets
222. I love the smell of lemon cleaning products roller coaster are awesome
223. I love wood floors
224. I love ice cream
225. ^ but I am lactose intolerant
226. I love frozen yogurt
227. Ice skating is awesome
228. I wish I could do ballet
229. I want to do better in school
230. I am done with school for 9 months
231. ^ that makes me really happy
232. I am jealous of Nick’s guitar skills
233. I love the Book of Mormon
234. I am a daughter of God
235. Nick and I have something beautiful between us
236. I love to sleep
237. Like I LOVE to sleep!
238. I can sleep for 10 hours a night and be perfectly content
239. I get sick if I don’t sleep
240. I am excited to meet his siblings
241. I am excited to go to California
242. I haven’t been to California besides Disney Land
243. I like the taste of envelope glue
244. I love writing in different fonts
245. I hate cleaning other peoples messes
246. Food in the sink grosses me out
247. I go to bed early for a college student
248. I can listen to the same song over and over
249. I love tan walls
250. I love decorating houses/ rooms
251. I wish I felt the spirit more often
252. I wish I got angry less
253. I want to be more patient
254. My mom is freaking amazing
255. I love Instagram
256. I love Facebook
257. I hate twitter
258. Snapchat is amazing
259. I love bonfires
260. I love the smell of clothes after you have been around a fire
261. I love the sand dunes
262. Smores are amazing!
263. Chocolate can cure any sadness
264. I am scared to have kids
265. I love super Nintendo games
266. I love roller coaster tycoon
267. I love Bioshock
268. Spotify is the best invention ever
269. I love legos
270. I hope nick likes his Christmas present(s)
271. I love hot showers
272. Music soothes my soul
273. Toilet paper has to be soft
274. I love orange juice
275. I will not buy off brand laundry detergent
276. I love mushrooms
277. I don’t like most vegetables
278. I’ve always wanted to teach
279. I am nervous to meet nicks biological dad
280. ^ I think he is nervous too
281. My mom wants to be nicks mom too
282. ^she said she is going to ‘adopt’ him
283. I want to meet Taylor Swift
284. I miss humidity
285. I miss my daddy
286. I will always be daddy’s little
287. I had caffeine tonight
288. I hate loud noises
289. I don’t like foot rubs
290. I can’t get massages because I’m too ticklish
291. I am not racist
292. Cards against humanity is hilarious
293. I love monopoly
294. I hate history
295. I want to write better
296. I wish I was a singer / songwriter
297. I have only performed once
298. I miss high school choir
299. ^I miss theatre too..
300. I love space heaters
301. We used to put a space heater in my dogs house outside
302. I am excited to go in the temple
303. I love my grandparent
304. I miss my grandparents
305. I wish I wasn’t so jealous all the time
306. I know my family loves me
307. I know I love Nick
308. I want to be a good person for him
309. I hate getting my socks wet
310. I love swimming
311. I love the ocean
312. I love hot tubs
313. I hate the smell of indoor pools
314. I want to kiss nick right now
315. I always want to kiss nick
316. This is taking forever! Haha
317. I love the feeling of clean dishes
318. I hate doing other peoples dishes
319. Sometimes doing dishes calms me down
320. Eternity with him isn’t long enough
321. I don’t want romance to go away
322.  I am afraid of getting pregnant
323. Superman is pretty cool
324. Christmas is only 9 days away!
325. I don’t know if I want to tell my kids about Santa
326. I have a sexy Santa outfit
327. I get up really early on Christmas
328. I don’t know what nick got me for Christmas
329. I am excited to go back to VA for a bit
330. I miss the spring
331. I wish my feet weren’t so big
332. I hate my feet
333. I like my hands
334. I wish my boobs were bigger
335. My butt is awesome right now 
336. I love sexy underwear
337. I am going to miss wearing thongs
338. I hate running
339. I love yoga
340. I don’t have a best friend in the apartment
341. I want him here right now
342. I love love!
343. I hate being a girl sometimes
344. I never want to shave again!
345. Everyone thinks I am part Asian
346. I am so excited for my wedding reception
347. I am excited to be getting sisters (by marriage)
348. I hate earbuds
349. ^ because my ears are too small for them
350. I wish I was stronger
351. I wish I met nick sooner
352. I stole nick from another girl
353. I love shoes!
354. I wear boots almost every day
355. I want to be truly happy
356. I hate fighting
357. I hate contention
358. I hate disagreements
359. I cry really easily
360. Sometimes I just need to cry
361. I am lucky to be marrying my best friend
362. I hate complicated things
363. I can’t to have a house of my own
364. I am tired of going to school
365. I want to love him forever
366. I don’t like birds
367. I hate not getting sleep
368. I hate super loud people
369. I am an introvert
370. I love the smell of clean towels
371. I love baking
372. I love cooking dinner
373. I love the fall leaves
374. I am more of a night owl than an early bird
375. I love our first kiss
376. I love our first conversation
377. I love our trust  
378. I love his smile
379. I love his dimple
380. I love his eyes
381. I love his hands
382. I love the way he holds me
383. I love the way he kisses me
384. I love how he loves me
385. I love his hair
386. I love his personality
387. I love his jokes
388. I love his dance moves
389. I love the way he holds my hand
390. I love his love
391. I just love him 

worth a thousand words

I cant stop thinking about my eternity with this man. He makes me so happy it is unbelievable. I know these posts are probably beginning to sound tired, but I never get tired of talking about my best friend. He is literally my world and I could not imagine my life without him.
That being said I have recently been taking a marriage skills class at my college and I loved something that we talked about. My professor talked about how young married couples think they are the only couple that fights because every other couple looks so happy, but in reality they have just as many problems as you. Our society thinks that talking about our problems within our marriage to a friend means that we are "going behind their back" or just complaining about our problems. So we begin t think that we shouldn't ask for help when there is a big problem and just keep things within the marriage. However, when that happens we all suffer in silence and that alone can end up destroying a marriage. This short time I have been in this class I have learned a lot, We also talked about those doubts that sneak into the back of your mind. Doubts are different than red flags.Red flags are things like abusive behavior and maybe secrets that irritate them when you talk about it. Second thoughts are natural and they happen to everyone. It just depends on what you do with that thought. In an eternal marriage those second thoughts and doubts are put there by Satan to try and break an eternal and everlasting covenant. If you feed those doubts then of course your mind is going to turn those thoughts into red flags. But if you dismiss the thought and think of all the reasons you love your significant other then those thoughts should fade.

Satan works on me everyday, in little ways. It used to effect me a lot before Nick and I got engaged, but I have noticed that those thoughts fade if I just think of all the reasons we are doing this instead of the few that make me think we shouldn't.
DISCLAIMER I am not writing this because I am doubting things (because I am NOT!) I am simply writing about things in general.
Eternity with this man could never be enough time. Sometimes he doesn't understand why I am so in love with him, but I wish he could see why I love him so much. Is is the most genuine person I have ever met. He cares about other people and knows how to show emotion. He isn't afraid of saying what he thinks and he knows how to communicate. (which is something I am working on) You know the saying that "You hurt the ones you love the most"? That is very true, but I think also the ones you love the most know how it feels to be loved that much and nothing can surpass that.

seventy three

It's 73 days until I become Mrs. Dorsett! I cannot believe the number keeps on shrinking! I cant believe that before I know it I will be married to my best friend for all time and eternity! 

lists, lists & more lists

I am so freaking stressed out I can barely handle it! There is so much to do this week I feel like I can barely function..

find out how to get a marriage licence
take and exam
write history paper
write child development paper
schedule a fitting for my wedding dress
pick out color palette
do other history homework
study for history exam
propose to bridesmaids
pick out engagement pictures
order invites
put a guest list together
get on birth control
get a head count for reception in Utah
get a head count for reception in Virginia
find a caterer
choose bridesmaids
book hotel
book honey moon
figure out honeymoon expenses
do all my laundry
organize my room

aaaaaand that is just this week. there are a million other things to do, but if I think of it all at once I get too overwhelmed.

On the other hand! I am super happy that I am getting married. Nick seriously makes everything better and I wish he knew how much I loved him and how happy he makes me. I wish he wasn't so far away! I love seeing him on weekends, but I cant wait to not have to say goodbye to him. Sunday nights seem to be the hardest because I know it will be a while until I can see him again. Sometimes it is even a full week... I know I shouldn't be complaining because I spent 5 months away from him so 5 days shouldn't be that hard, but it is. He is my best friend and it is hard to hang out with other people because if there are guys around and they know you are engaged they treat you like you have the plague or something. So it ends up not even being fun... I really don't enjoy sitting in my room alone, like I am now, but it is better than  going out and being ignored..

I said yes!

distance makes the heart grow fonder

      So I have always laughed at this saying. I also always thought that long distance relationships don't ever last. I used to think that talking on the phone gets old and that sooner or later someone is going to get bored and one of you is going to walk away. I would roll my eyes at long distance relationships and I said I would never have one, because, I need someone by me to hug me when I'm in the need of some love. I could not wait on a phone call every night. I couldn't just be happy with skype calls. And I sure as heck could not end my day without a goodnight kiss. What kind of life is that? Having to turn down nights out with friends because you have a skype date, or you are worried to go out because of the fear of you having to tell the cute guy hitting on you that you can't give him your number and that you have a boyfriend. Because then you can suffer the humiliation of him saying "I wasn't asking.." Then you just feel like you want to crawl in to a hole and never come out. Misreading conversation can be the death of any girl. (Side note: What do you say back to that anyway? "oh, my bad" "Sorry, I thought you were hitting on me.." or my personal favorite "Oh.. if you would please excuse me I will go bash my head into a brick wall real quick.")
      So how could a relationship like this ever work. It has to be infused with jealousy and distrust. Then some phone calls will be ignored, some skype calls will be missed, someone will want to hang out with their friends instead of listening about your tough day. Then before you know it someone gets tired of it and that's where it ends. Plus to put the cherry on top you cant even do it in person you are forced to do it over the phone. I used to not understand why people would put themselves through this kind of inevitable torture. Then everything changed. I realized that the awkward break-up over the phone doesn't have to happen. I also realized that jealousy and distrust would stem from an already poisonous relationship. Distance doesn't infuse it, it can inflame it even more, but it is not the main cause. And that whole awkward moment of the 'cute guy' hitting on you.. Well I realized that, one: that has never happened to me and two: the reason why is because I always somehow work him into the conversation (multiple times) so that there is no confusion as to my relationship status. Plus I love talking about him anyway, sometimes I wouldn't even realize I brought him up until suddenly no guys were talking to me anymore (oops.. sorry I know I talk about him a lot) . And about that turning down a night out with your friends for a skype call? ANY DAY! I would look forward to seeing him. Seeing that smile and his cute dimple was the highlight of my day. I didn't need a night out to relax from a tough week. Talking with him is all I needed.
      Then you get into the physical stuff. Now I will admit that this was one of the hardest parts of all. I missed kissing him, because that physical intimacy is important in any relationship, but I will say that I missed his hugs the most. When I was having one-of-those-days I just needed someone to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay, but I only got half of what I needed. Words of comfort can help, but they are lacking without a big hug to accompany them. I never thought I would say this, but getting a phone call from him every night still makes me smile (even if we already talked 3 or 4 times that day... or 5 or 6....). I am so grateful for cell phones, text messaging, skype, snapchat, facebook and pinterest. There are so many ways to stay in contact. (Yes, I did say pinterest.) A relationship where someone gets bored and leaves was not meant to last. If you truly love the person then you can go through anything. Even if the relationship was fragile at the beginning you can still progress as long as you are both putting forth the effort to have an amazing relationship.
      My long distance lasted about five months and is actually continuing right now and I am so happy. I would not trade in my relationship for anything. It has been hard and still is hard, but I grew a lot from this experience. I would not do this any differently.
      One thing that I realized is that with a long distance relationship is all you get to do is talk. There is no physical intimacy, at all.. of any kind... zero. So it makes you get to know each other even more than you already do. And sometimes you end up talking about the most random things and sometimes vulgar things, but it allows you to kind of get into the mind of the other person and just talk about things. Although, I cannot wait to finally end this long distance stuff and be close to him, I am glad I got to see what a long distance relationship is like.
      I used to laugh at long distance relationships, but now I know it is possible to have a successful relationship even when there is over 1900 miles between you and the one you love. Distance does indeed make the heart grow fonder, I know this firsthand.

Mr. Wonderful

He came to visit me! I have been counting down to this day for months! He finally got here! He is gone now, but he stayed for TWO whole weeks and it was the happiest I have been in a really long time. Being around him makes me so very happy and I feel so lucky to have him in my life. He is now back in Idaho and I am going to head out there in about two weeks! We had so much fun and I cant wait to be back in Idaho with this amazing man!

salt in my hair ~ sun in my heart

This was supposed to go up a looooong time ago, but I actually forgot that I had these pictures! Cassie and I decided to go down to North Carolina and visit the best place in the world, The Outer Banks! We had so much fun that day! It was a really long day. We got up at 5am drove 5 hours to OBX and then stayed at the beach and got sufficiently sunburned then came home and got home around 10pm. It was a very amazing day! We went to sonic THREE times in one day! I wish there was a sonic around me! I am so excited because I will be returning to OBX this Sunday for our annual fmaily vacation! I'm so ready to feel that sun again!!!!!!